Parenting young adults is no joke. We have all of the same love for them and yet little control. We watch them make decisions and wonder where we fit in their lives these days.

We invited author and mom Mary Demuth to the show to discuss challenges parents face when their children become adults. Mary reminds us that parenting is an ongoing journey, and parents still have a mission once their children leave home.

Mary provides practical advice on how to love, listen, and pray for adult children, and how important it is for a parent to be authentic and vulnerable in sharing their stories as a way of helping their children  transition to adulthood.

Mary emphasizes the importance of being an active listener in maintaining a strong relationship with the children while setting boundaries and practicing independence.

This can be a lonely time for parents and we want to face these challenges together!

Find Mary

Mary’s book- Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy 

Mary’s website and Instagram

What you heard on the show

Mary’s 52 weekly prayer pdf

Romans 12:1-2: Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Isaiah 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Questions to help you Rise

1. What is your mission as you parent right now?

2. How are you being authentic and vulnerable as you share your own stories with others?

3. How can you better participate in active listening with your adult children

4. Are your prayers focusing on expressing love and support, or are they attempts at controlling your kids?

5. How can you pray towards God’s heart for them this week?

Buckle up Enneagram lovers – we’re diving into your favorite topic in light of marriage today. If you want to be more self aware, and improve how you operate in your most primary relationship, this episode is for you.

Joining us is Christa Hardin, therapist and Enneagram expert. She is host of the popular Enneagram + Marriage podcast.

Today she helps us understand why understanding our Instincts within each number of the Enneagram is important, why knowing where we are in the Conflict Triad matters, and how we can be more whole and balanced as a couple using the strengths of each group.

From self-soothing techniques to language we can use for greater connection, Christa illuminates how this tool can help us in growing and deepening love.

CHRISTA’S BOOK

The Enneagram in Marriage

PREVIOUS ENNEAGRAM EPISODES TO LISTEN TO

What’s your number? Understanding the Enneagram 101 with Suzanne Stabile
The Enneagram and Spiritual Health with Doug and Adele Calhoun
The Enneagram and Your Authentic Self with Marilyn Vancil

A QUICK RUN DOWN DESCRIPTION OF EACH NUMBER

Type 1 – The Improver
Type 2- The Giver
Type 3 – The Achiever
Type 4 – The Individualist
Type 5- The Observer
Type 6- The Trust Builder
Type 7- The Enthusiast
Type 8- The Protector
Type 9- The Peace Maker

UNDERSTANDING INSTINCTS WITHIN EACH NUMBER

Self Preserving Instinct – take care of you and your family using security measures

Sexual Instinct – the desire to create together; to merge and attract

Social Instinct – the desire for social connection and purpose

CONFLICT TRIADS (HARMONIC GROUP) – KNOWING HOW YOU CAN WORK THROUGH CONFLICT

Types 2, 7, + 9 – Positivity types – think in ideals, comfort, love

Types 1, 3, + 5 – Linear and logical types in conflict

Types 6, 8, + 4 – Emotional reactivity and passion types – deeper and more passionate care- OK putting cards on the table and showing how they really feel.

The best is when we can combine positivity, depth / passion, and maintain logic. When couples do all three, they start to argue in ways that get traction.

“Where there is life, there’s hope.”

-Tolkien

SELF SOOTHING TECHNIQUES

• Take deep breaths
• Lament (ie. who your spouse isn’t)
• Take time with the Lord
• Go on a walk
• Take a break from conflict

“Focus on what you are together as a couple instead of what you aren’t.”

QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE

1. Within your number, what instinct do you fall in? Self preserving, sexual, or social?
2. Look up your number plus your instince and see what it says to increase your self awareness.
3. Where do you fall in the conflict triad?
4. What can you do to broaden your skill set in conflict (get practical and specific).
5. When can you create a time to discuss the principles in this episode with your spouse?

WE LOVE OUR SPONSOR - LEGACY CHANGER

It's one of our favorite episodes of the year. Word has it, it's one of yours too. In honor of Valentine's Day here are a few things we are "loving" right now.

From our favorite boots to our must have nail polish, this episode settles in on the practical. It is THINGS we love after all. This is the one time each year we give it to you sister to sister, the things that are making our life work, or at least a little more enjoyable.

Click on this link to get the e-booklet with all of the links to the items we talk about. You. Do. Not. Want. To. Miss. This.

Do you ever feel you are living in a world gone mad? Do you question whether peace is really possible?

Brant Hansen, author and popular radio host, joins us for this important conversation with his quick wit and thoughtful ideas. We talk about being unoffendable and choosing peace, what it looks like to outsource our worries to God, and how we can trust God's plan, even when life spins out of control.

Brant also explores the beauty of the Kingdom of God and the transformative power of focusing on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. He encourages us to memorize scripture as a way to combat anxiety and replace negative thoughts with God’s truth.

If you want more freedom, gratitude, and joy in your life, tune in.

SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW

Life is Hard, God is Good, Let’s Dance by Brant Hansen

Unoffendable by Brant Hansen

Unoffendable Study Guide with DVD

Dallas Willard “Joy is a pervasive sense of well being regardless of circumstances.”

Patriots Super Bowl Comeback Game Highlights

This Cultural Moment Podcast Episode – Resilient Faith with New Testament Scholar Dr. Jerry Sittser (we are not the only Christians in history who have struggled)

Tim Ferris

QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE

1. With whom do you need to be more unoffendable?
2. How can you better cultivate peace in your life?
3. What are you putting your attention on that needs to shift?
4. What would it look like to dance?

WE LOVE OUR SPONSOR! Check out the Legacy Changer book by Kristen Hallinan.  

LET’S CONNECT!

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

Or message us on Instagram – we’d love to hear from you!

Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier