Adult siblings often know us in ways others simply can't. The shared history, the developmental years, the shaping of each other in our most formative stages, create dynamics that we aren't able to duplicate. Depending on your relationship with your siblings, you might feel they are your most trusted life companions.
We are doing a two-part series with Krista and her brother Mitch and sister Kendra on the value of adult sibling relationships. This week we cover the unique role siblings can play, the importance of showing up in the details and milestones, and the opportunities we have to care for each other well in the midst of midlife stress.
We know everyone has a different starting place when it comes to relationships with siblings. If you are someone who would like to work toward greater intimacy and trust with your siblings, regardless of where you are right now, these two episodes will offer both inspiration and practical steps. This week is heavy on the why: Why should we care about the relationships today? Next week will cover some of the unique tensions adult siblings hold. Both are important as we move toward greater support for each other and health.
SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW
- "Our Parents leave us too early, our spouses and children come along too late, our siblings are the only ones who are with us for the entire ride." Jeffrey Kluger
- John 1:5
- Vika's Spotify- Kendra's Daughter
QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE
- How are your relationships with your siblings?
- In what way do your siblings know you in a way that nobody else does?
- How can you show up for your siblings in this season?
- How can you cultivate relationships with your niece and nephews?
LET’S CONNECT!
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"Marriage can be heaven, and marriage can be hell." -Dan Allender
Anyone who is married knows that marriage can reach the extremes of human experience, and sometimes even in the same day. It's the lab in which we grow personally, and where we grow together. It's also the place where everything can fall apart.
Today Dan Allender of The Allender Center joins us to explore the transformative power of marriage, particularly in midlife. He talks about the deep work of understanding one another's stories, the role of trauma in relationships (even if you feel like you don't have any), and the necessity of dealing with emotional triggers.
Dan is both funny and deeply inspiring. He is an expert at the top of his field, and also the first one to reveal and share what he is experiencing in his own imperfect marriage.
You will gain insight into the complexities of relationships, the importance of change-agents in marriage, the dynamics of conflict resolution, and come to a fresh understanding of how fighting for marriage is deeply spiritual work.
SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW:
The Deeply Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Healing, Intimacy, and Delight by Dan Allender and Steve Call
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
website-Dan Allender
Quotes from the episode:
35% of divorces are "gray divorces," meaning they involve couples 50 years of ago and older.
Our brains have the power to change, but only by engagement deeply within what we'll call our right hemisphere, our emotional portions.
If there is not a fabric of forgiveness, then we are in deep waters without a paddle.
Difference is where almost all conflict begins.
70 % of the conflict in marriage does not have a right answer.
You grow in trust by the capacity to deal with conflict, not to resolve, but to a deepened understanding. And to a deepened understanding allows us to allow difference to continue to occur.but without either the fear or the judgment that's often there.
I hope the sense of having work to do is kind of like, I get to put my foot on the neck of evil here. Hell no, I do not want something that has lingered in my body and my heart and my mind to continue to shape something of how I respond to the future.
QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE
- What part of your story can you re-engage with your spouse in order to work toward greater healing? Hint: think about what triggers you.
- What part of your spouse's story can you re-engage?
- If 70% of all arguments don't have a "right answer," how can you adjust how you've been approaching a conflict area with your spouse?
- The change agents Dan lists in his book are humility, honesty, kindness, curiosity, defiance, and an intention to bless. What one is most needed right now in your marriage?
- How can you "stand on the neck of evil" and push past a particularly difficult part of your marriage?
LET’S CONNECT!
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Every year right around Valentine's Day we share some things we are loving that make our lives a little easier or more fun. This is a break from the thoughtful conversations we've been having, it settles in on some pretty practical tips. From books and podcasts to snacks and beauty products, Alex and Krista want to make sure you know what they are loving right now.
How about you? What makes your life more entertaining? What makes you smarter? Who are you following? What are you wearing? We want to know all of these midlife hacks because when you find something good, you need to share!!
This is one of our most popular episodes every year, tune in and get sharing your things you love.
THINGS WE LOVE
- Foods
- Athletic Brewing Company Non-alcoholic beer
-Quinoa Crisps Dark- Chocolate + Cherry
-Stone-Ground Grits
- Kitchen Gadgets
-All Clad Instant Read Digital Thermometer
-6-3/4 Coat Cast Iron Round Wide Dutch Oven
-Silver Flatware
- Podcast shows
-The Warrior Mama with Bethany Kimsey
-Up Until Now with Kristen Hallinan
-The Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast
-10% Happier with Dan Harris Podcast
- Books
- Music
-Porter's Gate Album- Sanctuary Song
-When the Day Comes- Nico & Vinz
- Instagram Follows
- Fashion & Beauty
-Steve Madden Hayle Ankle Boots
-Mother Jeans
-Charlotte Tilbury Red Hollywood Vixen Lipstick
LET’S CONNECT!
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Teenagers: it's the best of times and the worst of times. We love them with our whole hearts, and they're also hard. Some are thriving, some aren't. We are quick to point fingers back at ourselves when things go wrong, and we breathe a sigh of relief when it's going right.
In this conversation, Alex and Krista discuss parenting teenagers with Melissa Kruger, vice president of discipleship at The Gospel Coalition and author of Parenting with Hope. Melissa speaks about the challenges and joys of raising teens in a complex world. We hit on understanding the spectrum of teen experiences, the role of prayer, and the need for open communication.
Melissa discusses the significance of tailoring parenting approaches to individual children and the necessity of maintaining hope amidst challenges. Teens today are facing pressures we simply did not have. Their challenges are different, and it serves us well to try and stand in their shoes.
You will walk away encouraged and re-centered from this episode!
FIND MORE ABOUT MELISSA KRUGER
Melissa Kruger's -Website and Instagram
Melissa Kruger's Book- Parenting with Hope
SOME THINGS YOU HEARD ON THE SHOW
Proverb 12:18
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing
SOME QUOTES FROM THE SHOW:
"I actually think it's sports and activities, it's scholastic achievement, and it's social acceptance. Those are the three, what I call, idols of our age that I think really raise the temperature in parenting teens right now."
"When you step back and say, huh, maybe it would really matter that our family had family dinners every night, and we're gonna fight for that. Maybe it would really matter that we have space to actually get a little bored and do a puzzle as a family."
"So many teens do not get the amount of sleep they need. That leads to greater rates of depression, which leads to greater problems down the road in other areas. And we're like, but they have to be at all these things (activities) or they won't be well-rounded. Who cares if they're well-rounded?"
"In the Barna research, the amount of pressure that kids feel is different than previous generations. And yes, technology is a part of that, but also just the ramp up of all of these things of doing club sports by the time you're seven or eight. All of that plays into this level of pressure and stress."
"Those simple acts of being in God's Word, being a mom of prayer, and being in church matter so I can parent well. I call it a three-legged stool."
QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU RISE
- What is your current measure of hope with your teenager?
- How can you better address what is going on inside of your in order to better parent your teen?
- What of the three idols she mentioned, sports and activities, academic success, and social acceptance is most out of balance in your home?
- What can you do to create a more healthy rhythm in this area?
- How can you build your hope in Christ for you, for your own spiritual strength?
LET’S CONNECT!
Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.
Or message us on Instagram – we’d love to hear from you!
Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier